Horrible Child I am

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Horrible Child I am

One the first day, you went blind and I
with my heart in my throat,
drove.
Never have I ever
been glad to have such an every day skill as that.
My hands never stopped shaking.

Day two came and passed.
At night, without you home and during the day,
driving on schedule.
My sympathy ran high.
We took over your daily life.
I was scared.

Third day and the ICU
was all too familiar for comfort.
Faces started to develop names.
Good news came as a room change and I
found myself hoping
you’d stayed longer.

Home finally felt like home
without you.
There was peace and I could finally be me.
Four days of entertaining you constant needs
and my patience wore thin.

Getting you home was
a chore and I did not want
to dote on you.
I had no sympathy after day five.
Acting is an invaluable skill.

Weeks turned and I found myself
resentful towards you
and your lack of speedy recovery.
I wanted to push you off
the wheelchair you didn’t need.

And it has been months!
of constant nagging from you
about me, when I had a chance to leave
you again, but toxicity is natural now.

Compassion does not exist for me.
I envy that she can do nothing
but wait on you.
I find I have nothing but aggravation
and I wish you could be
someone else’s problem.

Horrible child I am
because I liked it better when you weren’t there.

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