When I was little, my older sister had this Light’ning Hair Gel, that would gradually lighten your hair as you used it. She was skeptical at first to even use a little, so she did what older siblings do when they have younger siblings: Use them as guinea pigs. I didn’t mind, though.
I like to see myself as the kind of person who is willing to give anything a try at least once. How else am I truly supposed to know whether or not I like or dislike something. I don’t like the idea of writing anything off due to ignorance, so by trying anything at least once, I will have the experience to know whether or not I like something.
Well, let’s just say that after getting my hair lightened, I kept coming back for more.
I am someone who likes knowing exactly what is going on at all times. Not knowing, being out of the loop, is very stressful and makes me feel as if I have no control. I hate it. Whenever I get into a position like that (where I am antsy and on edge), the one thing I always do is change up my hair. I dye it or cut it or both. It gives me a sense of freedom (because this is my hair and I can do whatever I please with it) and is a release. Cutting it especially, feels like I’m doing away with the old; getting rid of what happened at that point in time because that’s also when my hair was a certain style.
I like having the power to express myself. Each change in my hair is a sort of marker that I was once in a position where I felt out of control or needed something new in my life– where I was restless. It’s amazing how differently people see you when you change your appearance, though. For the time that it takes to get used to the new look, nothing about me changes, but to everybody else, it feels like I’ve become a whole new person. It’s strange to me that people would think a temporary change outward would effect the personality that’s been formed for years on the inside.
It’s been one month, one week, and 6 days and the colors have long since lost their brilliance. The bright azure blue has faded to a seafoamy-teal and my purple lightening to mercury-lavender. It hasn’t been a long enough time with this hair, but I’m already getting the need to hack it off so that I can mark this current event in my life–
this one that’s “my fault” or so says the mom. not being able to finish my last year of college–and associate a new style with (hopefully) new events.